you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
