i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
