I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
