Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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