6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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