Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
