Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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