hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
