i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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