Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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