I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
