dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We left the knife in your bed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
