if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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