I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
