is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
