YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
