I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
