You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
