I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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