gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
