if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Duck Duck Cougar?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
