I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
