Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
