Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
