youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
