how can u be prego again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
