Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
