I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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