I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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