FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
