Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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