I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
