I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
