she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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