I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
