Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
