so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You are the jesus of drinking
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
