Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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