I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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