Quick, to the slutcave!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
