I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
