He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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