i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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