Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Please, let me fuck your mom
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
