i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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