i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
