I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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