I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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