I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
