Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.

Fav 79 2281 7321
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

Fav 25 1162 7100
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(816): View more from Missouri

you were mass sexting so we took your phone away

Fav 13 5304 1615
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(516): View more from New York

VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR

Fav 3 1832 1255
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(859): View more from Kentucky

apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.

Fav 18 3823 1121
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(812): View more from Indiana

You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.

Fav 3 952 2292
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(410): View more from Maryland

IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS

Fav 10 1261 746
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

How are you feeling?

(435): View more from Utah

I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.

Fav 0 600 413
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(239): View more from Florida

Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.

Fav 0 88 6
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