16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
