I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
