i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it penis luge time yet?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
