I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
