I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
whose ass print is on the piano?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
