btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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