Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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