you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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