I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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