Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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