So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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