Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
