you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
