It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
