Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were destined to go to rehab together
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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