I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
