Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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