cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
