PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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